As I said in a prior blog post, in-joy-ment is the active finding of joy through appreciation for what-is and whatever is happening. Appreciation is an easily accessible doorway to finding the joy of the moment. Also, appreciation…embracing and finding value in what-is…goes beyond tolerance. In a way, you could say there is no need for tolerance if you appreciate it.
In my experience with in-joy-ment and appreciation, I have also learned that there is no need for forgiveness if you appreciate it. Also, appreciation opens the way to love. Or said in another way, there is no love unless there is first appreciation for the person or thing as they are.
How can you say you love someone if you do not embrace and value who they are as a person?
I do not believe it is right to say you love who/what they really are…a soul, the Self, etc. as this implies this is separate from the person they are. Then, in some funny way, you can love their “inner being” while tolerating the person. You can not really love what is being “tolerated”. I also do not believe you can separate what a person does from what they are (as a person). People act from their being and understanding…and so as we act we are. A compassionate person acts compassionately. A hateful person hates…in essence, they are hate. There may be ignorance and confusion at the root of how we act…but that just means we are ignorance and confusion as well. Attempting to split “inner being” from the person or to split actions from the person is just another game of the mind…creating duality. No such duality really exists…it is an illusion of the mind.
So when you love someone…I say you have to love all of them…warts and all (not trying to dismiss or overlook the warts). To do that you have to embrace and value the whole of them. We can not pick and choose…I love most of them, but hate some other parts. In such scenarios, it is not uncommon that people eventually just can’t take the parts they hate anymore…and they fall out of love with the person. Was this really love? I don’t think so.
This applies to self-love as well. Do you appreciate yourself? Do you allow and accept yourself to be as you are right now? Do you embrace and see value in yourself as you are right now?
If you do, then you must also allow, accept, and appreciate your past and everything that has happened to you. Everything that was has brought you to where you are right now. Painful events in the past have helped shape who you are now (as a person). To appreciate who you are now requires appreciating what has happened to you in the past…as that has helped make who you are now.
Now, if you appreciate all of what has happened to you in the past…what is there to forgive? We don’t forgive people for doing things that have benefited us. So if you have embraced and more importantly value what has happened to you in the past (as helping make you who you are now…the person you appreciate and love) – then what is there to forgive? Really, to say that you do not forgive means you do not accept and appreciate yourself now. In accepting and appreciating yourself now, you have to already have accepted and appreciated the past which brought you to now…the two go together.
If you accept and appreciate the past, is there anyone to blame? We do not assign fault and blame to actions/happenings that we value. If you accept and appreciate the present/moment, is there anything or anyone to criticize or complain about? We criticize and complain when it is things we don’t like…don’t value.
I am not creating some kind of rule…thou shalt appreciate all things. I am not saying this is something you must or even should do. This is just something to play with. If you can’t appreciate something, then you can’t…don’t make an issue or problem of it. Appreciate what you are able to appreciate now. Appreciate where you are now in your understanding. With deeper understanding and the dispelling of ignorance/illusion…things may shift on their own and you may find you can appreciate things you could not in the past. In playing with appreciation, you may find new ways to appreciate things you never thought you could appreciate.
Appreciation is also much easier to do after awakening. Once you are no longer creating your own suffering. Once many of the illusions of the mind no longer fool you and cause confusion. Once you are truly content with what-is as it is…and no longer are resisting or denying what-is (i.e. reality). Once attachment and fear are no more. Once there is no “me”. However, I think that people can play with appreciation before awakening. But there will be more things that just can’t be appreciated. And that is OK.